he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
