i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
