What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
