Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
