There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
