I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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