Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
