my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
