im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
