You're completely useless in the revolution.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
