I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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