my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
