Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
