Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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