i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
