She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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