We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
