I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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