wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
