All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
