I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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