Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
