so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
