her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The power of my boobs compel you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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