So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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