We won't sleep together?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
