my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
