i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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