he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
