you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
