she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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