you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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