If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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