What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
