I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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