I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
