I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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