My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
