I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have fence marks all over my body
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
