She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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