i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
