Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
