I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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