sorry about calling you the devil all night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
