god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
