I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
