What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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