I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
