I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
