I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
